I never thought I'd find myself back here on these pages.
I'd already thrown this whole blog into the trash can in my mind. Nothing more than the embarrassing musings of the naive, juvenile me in the chrysalis, before I became the fearsome moth taking over the world today.
And yet.
A chance encounter with someone that smacked in many ways of that incarnation of me at 20 has stirred something unusual in the back of my mind. Like a flickering projector, a part of my soul feels awakened by the meeting.
Sure, this blog documents the ramblings of a kid at 17 onwards and there is much that's problematic about some of those posts. But it's also a journey...my journey, through life and for some reason I want to continue it. And although it's uncomfortable, I don't think I should censor it retrospectively. In the unlikely event it becomes the crucifying end to a public career, I guess I'll just have to live with it and be skinned alive by the Twitterati.
A lot has changed since 2012. No longer the mud-flecked sheep trying to clamber out of the pen of volunteers, I'm part of a flock offering me paid, ongoing sheep work: and I even get to use critical thinking on a daily basis! More than many good sheep would dream of being granted.
This blog has always been a form of therapy. So what has brought me back now...why is my brain demanding this somewhat hidden space to unwind and unravel its strands in a secret vacuum?
I think the thing is now I've done the things Gelati Gecko used to fret about. I've got the job, a career is on track. And yet..
As this learning curve plateaus, I wonder what I will do in this new adult world I inhabit that will be truly spectacular and world-shaking. What does that next incarnation of me look like, when I leap ahead into the next chapter of my career?
This is the question I need to answer this year. And reconnecting with this blog and writing just seems to be a part of it. We will see.
