Ok, if there are any internet stalkers out there with your corkboard of facts and snippets of my life in front of you, GET YOUR PENS OUT NOW AND DRAW UP A NEAT MARGIN, as I am about to offer a glimpse into my life, as I relate a tale of pain, unconsciousness, blood and wisdom teeth.
After having braces to straighten my teeth, I was later to learn that my wisdom teeth must also be removed and thrown into Mount Doom or somesuch lest they uproot (yes, the first of hopefully many dental puns to be made) the peace and happiness the braces had fostered upon my mouth. So off we trotted to see a dental surgeon to cut out my teeth. And as the date of sugery grew further, fear began to take root in my gum (yes, a terribly suBtle - yes, suBtle is a new word I am attempting to cultivate at every possible opportunity. You simply pronounce the usually silent 'b' in subtle, hence making the meaning of the word its antonym. Go forth and spread the word, for it is good - pun once more). But I was also excited, as I was going to undergo general anaesthetic, something I had never done before.
Finally the big day came, and like Christmas and Easter and your birthday and every day you ever told yourself was going to be special or different, it was a bit of a let down. The preparation was great. They took me in, explained what was going to happen, checked my heart rate, explained what was going to happen, checked my heart rate again, etc.
And then the moment came for the general anaesthetic. I followed the nurse into the operating cinema, and climbed up onto the table. Then they put a needle in my right hand, and said "we're just putting in some antibiotics", and did that....then they put some other stuff in. Then they must have slipped the anaesthetic in when I was looking the other way, and didn't tell me. And so I missed the whole "count to 10" thing. In fact, I remember none of the going to sleep. This was a disappointment when I woke up in recovery.
My whole face was numb, and I sat there for a while, feeling very light headed and funny, until the nurse gave me a paper towel and said "here, use this to keep back bleeding". And then I realised I'd been bleeding out of my mouth, all down my face and onto my hospital gown the whole time, without feeling a thing. That was fun (the other fun bleeding detail was when we were going home, we went over a speed bump, and because all the blood pools in the bottom of your mouth, it flew out of my sister's mouth all over her. You sort of had to be there...).
And they gave us a magnificent supply of painkillers, that make you feel great. In fact, it's 11.13pm right now, and I'll be getting up at 2am to take my four hourly pain killers. And I have to swill my mouth out with seawater 6 times per day, which is also very exciting. And my face has taken on an adorable hamsteresque bulging and swelling in the cheeks, where I can store grain and nuts for the cold winter months to come.
18 December, 2008
15 December, 2008
Conversation Overheard on the Bus #1
Setting: A bus
Characters:
2 young boys
1 mother
1 baby in pram (non speaking role)
1 strange boy (non speaking)
*Enter 2 young boys through bus door, who run to a window seat. The elder boy has one ear pierced (he is about 7 years old). Behind them is the mother (who has ears, nose and eyebrow piercings), pushing the pram onto the bus before validating two tickets. She makes her way to the disabled/special seating area and sits down. The boys begin to fight.*
Elder Boy: No, I'm sitting near the window, I got here first!
Younger Boy: No way, I'm...you're...mum, mum!
Mother (tiredly): Both of you stop arguing, or you'll both be in big trouble.
*pause*
Elder Boy: No, piss off (punches and kicks younger brother)
Younger Brother: No, mum-
Mother: Right. Both of you come and sit with me. Now.
*Elder boy moves*
Mother: You too.
*younger boy shakes head, a mischievous smile creeping across his face*
Mother: Now. If I have to come and get you, you'll be in big trouble.
*younger boy shakes head*
*Bus stops at lights. Mother gets up and walks over to child*
Younger Boy: No, no, no, I promise I won't-
Mother: Too late. Now you're in even more trouble. You're already in big trouble for setting off the alarm on the train.
*The bus stops and the strange boy gets off*
Review of "Conversation Overheard on the Bus #1
The latest in Gelati Gecko's "human portrait" pieces, this is perhaps one of the more disappointing additions. The scene is short, and the dialogue and action, while completely true, is cliched, failing to add anything more to the many jokes already in circulation about parenting and child discipline. The closing line, which is factually accurate, does, however, provide a neat sense of closure to the scene, though this fails to make up for other faults. The post modernistic inclusion of the narrator as an omniscient observer is pretentious and is amateurish at best. Let us hope that he turns his writing to more fruitful labours in the future.
Sorbet Snake
Characters:
2 young boys
1 mother
1 baby in pram (non speaking role)
1 strange boy (non speaking)
*Enter 2 young boys through bus door, who run to a window seat. The elder boy has one ear pierced (he is about 7 years old). Behind them is the mother (who has ears, nose and eyebrow piercings), pushing the pram onto the bus before validating two tickets. She makes her way to the disabled/special seating area and sits down. The boys begin to fight.*
Elder Boy: No, I'm sitting near the window, I got here first!
Younger Boy: No way, I'm...you're...mum, mum!
Mother (tiredly): Both of you stop arguing, or you'll both be in big trouble.
*pause*
Elder Boy: No, piss off (punches and kicks younger brother)
Younger Brother: No, mum-
Mother: Right. Both of you come and sit with me. Now.
*Elder boy moves*
Mother: You too.
*younger boy shakes head, a mischievous smile creeping across his face*
Mother: Now. If I have to come and get you, you'll be in big trouble.
*younger boy shakes head*
*Bus stops at lights. Mother gets up and walks over to child*
Younger Boy: No, no, no, I promise I won't-
Mother: Too late. Now you're in even more trouble. You're already in big trouble for setting off the alarm on the train.
*The bus stops and the strange boy gets off*
Review of "Conversation Overheard on the Bus #1
The latest in Gelati Gecko's "human portrait" pieces, this is perhaps one of the more disappointing additions. The scene is short, and the dialogue and action, while completely true, is cliched, failing to add anything more to the many jokes already in circulation about parenting and child discipline. The closing line, which is factually accurate, does, however, provide a neat sense of closure to the scene, though this fails to make up for other faults. The post modernistic inclusion of the narrator as an omniscient observer is pretentious and is amateurish at best. Let us hope that he turns his writing to more fruitful labours in the future.
Sorbet Snake
02 December, 2008
Christmas Luncheon
Unfortunately I have been sick of late, and will this time use this as an excuse for my lack of blogging since last week.
With Christmas fast approaching, it becomes time for my family to decide what we will do with ourselves this festive season. And this year, it is time once again for us to 'host', and invite all our relatives to enjoy a Christmas lunch with us come 25th December. Which I enjoy for a few reasons:
1. It's nice to see my cousins and family I wouldn't otherwise get to see too often.
2. The amount of stress and anxiety it affords some members of the family, and the resulting strains and arguments, are always highly entertaining. Sometimes there are very few, but sometimes they are plentiful and explosive, bursting throughout the day along with the bought cheeriness of the bonbons from Coles.
3. Food is plentiful and often nice.
Of course, small and entertaining spats are not limited to either my family or Christmas time. In fact, the Shadow Health Minister Julie Bishop has recently fallen under scrutiny for an apparently "cat like" action made in Parliament, directed at Julia Gillard. The full article can be accessed here:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,24741187-421,00.html
With Christmas fast approaching, it becomes time for my family to decide what we will do with ourselves this festive season. And this year, it is time once again for us to 'host', and invite all our relatives to enjoy a Christmas lunch with us come 25th December. Which I enjoy for a few reasons:
1. It's nice to see my cousins and family I wouldn't otherwise get to see too often.
2. The amount of stress and anxiety it affords some members of the family, and the resulting strains and arguments, are always highly entertaining. Sometimes there are very few, but sometimes they are plentiful and explosive, bursting throughout the day along with the bought cheeriness of the bonbons from Coles.
3. Food is plentiful and often nice.
Of course, small and entertaining spats are not limited to either my family or Christmas time. In fact, the Shadow Health Minister Julie Bishop has recently fallen under scrutiny for an apparently "cat like" action made in Parliament, directed at Julia Gillard. The full article can be accessed here:
http://www.news.com.au/story/0,27574,24741187-421,00.html
"Hiss!!!!!!!!!"
Julie Bishop has played down the action as "just a little thing I do", in order to get "the girls to put their claws away".
She also laughed off claims that the vicious puncture marks in her so called Julia Gillard "voodoo doll" were anything more than "just invoking some harmless ancient and powerful curses to strike her down on the spot."
She was reported to have been placated when a saucer of warm milk was brought out to the bench, purring softly throughout the rest of the session.
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