Seatbelts on, a mindless vent is about to be written.
I'm sick to death of managing volunteers. I'm sick of it. Unpaid slaving away trying to herd a group of sheep, most of whom don't even want to be good sheep.
I'm sick of trying to start something meaningful, trying to build on something and reach a standard of quality, only to have it crashing down because people jump ship and leave and get jobs and disappear. And then starting all over again with new sheep that don't even have any wool.
I'm sick of having people involved that I just want to slap in the face. People that mill about around the edges but aren't actually interested in rolling up their goddamn sleeves (sheep sleeves? I don't know) and doing some work. I don't have a problem if they can't commit or if things change. But I can't stand lukewarm, tepid involvement. Either be a sheep or leave the paddock.
I simply have had enough. And now, when I'm trying to jump out of this fetid, manure-strewn paddock this has become I just feel like I'm dragged back. I see a handful of strong sheep that want to make the paddock green again, but I've let them down. Because I can't even give them some budding sheep to work with.
It's exhausting. It's unrewarding. It shits me to tears. I just can't stand it. And the worst part? All the sheep in the green paddocks around me, the paid, delicious paddocks. They look down on the muddy, shitty paddock I'm trying to clamber over from and they probably think "...eww...gross...no we don't want this sheep."
I just want the greener pastures. I want to go to work with a solid, continuous group of sheep that all want to make star formations and ride motorcycles like no other sheep can. I want to be the small fish striving for something better, instead of some kind of grotesque, muddied cod attempting to improve itself while managing incompetent sheep.
This is why I have to fight for those greener pastures.
And I want them now.
