To be an excellent student.
To be quick and clever,
Sure or smart or good with rhyming words.
Even if I still was,
It's not enough anymore.
...is what I might say, if this were a blog subject to frank emotional admissions. But I am worldly enough to realise that this sort of thing is 'self indulgent' and that I ought to be doing more practical things, such as polishing my resume for a job, or planning my career trajectory that will catapult me into the stars, or doing other important adult things that will probably take up the rest of my life, and rightly so, unless I want to be a timid nobody.
With school finished, all the rules have changed. It's not about good marks anymore - it's about where I'm going. It's about what I'm going to make of my life. And I only have one life.
I applied for a job today, and they said that we should list blogging if we have had experience blogging. I nearly listed this blog. But then I didn't want them reading this. Not particularly because they'll take one look and firmly cross my name out for being a crazy, but because I don't want it to be used for that. I don't want this blog to be used as a bargaining chip or piece of currency to get me jobs and money.
I'm not saying this is a virtuous, pure form of self expression that would be irretrievably compromised...but it is, in many senses, a record of me. A record of myself. And I want to keep this blog for my whole life.
I want to be able to open it, when I'm 90 (a generous assumption, but let's run with it), and look at posts I made when I was 16, and enjoy some of the most poignant scrumishing that ever there was.
Perhaps I shouldn't be publishing this post - It's 12am and I'm tired - my emotional guard (and of course the blessed competence facade) is down.
But I'll publish it anyway, and give future Gelati Gecko something to think about, hey?
Don't tell him! (Tired Gelati Gecko taps nose conspiratorially, winking as he thinks about the mayhem this may cause to his future self.)
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