Apple Will Probably Kill Us All

Today I went and bought a backup hard drive for my Macbook. Essentially it's a massive USB that stores all my files in case my Macbook gets sick. Fascinating stuff.

But the thing that I found really strange was the Apple shop itself.

An Apple logo is all that identifies it from the outside. Of course, this is more than enough to tell people exactly what sort of store it is. Once you step inside, you realise that the silver, flat floor and ceiling remind you of the minimalist Mac type design, and I actually began to feel that I was inside an Apple product.

The boxes of Apple products adopt a similarly minimalist approach. A keyboard is labelled "keyboard", and has double sided photos of computer keyboards on the packaging. No other writing.

All around me, were customers of all ages. Elderly couples sat while one of the forty or so jeans and blue t-shirt wearing staff explained the basics of skype to them. An eight year old on rollerskates went past, undisrupted because, presumably, Apple is cool enough.

With the crowds of people and even more staff, it struck me as odd, but absolutely nobody volunteered to help me. I couldn't even catch the eye of a salesperson. They were all busy, apparently lumbered with their other customers, and so I was ignored. I felt isolated and alienated.

At the cash register, a staff member came up and made a big show of asking the saleswoman at the cashier to look after 'Tony', then explaining to 'Tony' that he'd leave him with 'Jenny', who would look after him, and that Jenny was lovely. This kind of overly cheery and friendly demeanor made me feel simultaneously 'bah humbug' and 'oh that's nice'.

It was a really confusing and disorientating experience. But I got the hard drive.

This was a terrible story to share with you all (both). I apologise if you've reached the end of this, hanging out for something genuinely scary or funny.