Saruman Leading in 'Preferred PM' Polls

A reliable and trustworthy polling source today revealed that an astonishing 87.5% of Australians would prefer Middle Earth Wizard turned Sauron's minion, Saruman the White, to lead Australia coming out of the next election.


Saruman prepares to address his party at an Isengard caucas meeting in September last year.

Voters were swayed by his "striking and individual appearance", and bold new policies and initiatives.

Under Saruman's governance, there would be an increase of money spent on national security, including new technologies such as cloning, while he claims that his "Palantir Communication Revolution" would "render obsolete, and cloak in total and all-encompassing darkness, the so called broadband network proposed by the weak-willed Kevin Rudd. His era is at an end."


Saruman reveals a prototype of the technology which he hopes to make available to all families across the nation.


Deputy leader of Saruman's party, Lurtz, gave little away at his most recent press conference, when asked to elaborate on some of the policies a Saruman run government would introduce. "Man-flesh!" he exclaimed cryptically, before decapitating a journalist in the front row, spearing his head on a pike, and holding it above his head triumphantly. He then proceeded to bare his teeth and roar menacingly, whilst beating the white hand mark on his chest which appears to be standard issue for members of Saruman's political party.

Lurtz let his blade do the talking when confronted with tough questions.

Yet his popularity is not untempered by controversy. Of particular concern to many human rights and equality groups was Saruman's apparent anti-dwarf prejudice, as he was heard telling a staffer that "we must find the halflings, kill them, and seize the power they carry."

While equality groups may not be amongst his loyal band of followers, Saruman has been making some strong impressions with local door calls in marginal electoral zones, which he visited over the last four weeks, in a float drawn by ferocious wolf like creatures known as wargs.

"Oh yes, he was very nice, very intelligent," said Linda, a resident in the rural Victorian town of Porepunkah. "He listened to what we had to say, and his voice seemed to radiate trust and compassion...yes, I'll definitely be voting for him."

Others weren't so convinced. "He did seem to have a very long beard..." mused one resident. "And I'm just not sure that someone his age is fit to take on the stressful job of running a country. I mean, I did ask him about it, but he just said 'I have seen the dawn of time, and will outlive the race of men. Your concerns would be touching were they not the pitiful product of your limited mind.' After that...yeah, I guess I cooled to him a bit."

There is no doubt that Sarmuan has been making strong impressions on the public, in many cases polarising the community with and against him. Liberal leader Tony Abbott yesterday admitted to feeling 'threatened' by Saruman's immense and ancient power and magical lore. Yet it will be some time before we will see if his campaign slogan, "A New Power Is Rising!" will indeed prove to be true.