Scribble From Journalism

The red-handled lover

Jewellery prices might have skyrocketed in the past few months, but one man didn’t let that stop him getting his fiancée the ring she deserved.

35-year-old Brendan O’Connell was today charged with three counts of armed robbery, and one count of armed assault, when police arrested him this afternoon.

O’Connell explained to police that his robbery of three rings from a Carlton jewellery store, during which he held the female shop attendant at knifepoint, using a red-handled kitchen knife as a weapon, was all in order to give his girlfriend Sarah the proposal she deserves

The three rings, priced at over $8000 each, were stolen at the end of a morning-long spate of robberies, including one incident which left a shop attendant in St Vincent’s Hospital with serious cuts and bruises after a vicious attack by O’Connell.

Yet he insists that it was worth it “for the lovely smile on Sarah’s very pretty face.”

The elusive Sarah has been unavailable for comment. “She is very, very, touched by Brendan’s selfless gesture,” said her mother, Rachel Simms. Ms Simms further disclosed that if O’Connell manages to get bail tomorrow, Sarah would be ‘very receptive’ to any ‘proposals’ he might have.

University student ‘disappointed’ by mediocre satirical article

A university student was today ‘a little underwhelmed’ by a satirical article he wrote during a lengthy journalism tute.

“It started off really promisingly,” the student said of his article, which took an obscure angle on a news story he was writing for assessment.

“There was a general feeling that I’d hit upon quite an entertaining premise,” he recalled. “But the more I wrote, the less funny it seemed to become…it sort of fell apart in my hands.

“Many things do these days,” he sighed indulgently.

The satirical article was unavailable for comment.