The Grammarckle

The grammarckle is a creature which lives within my mind. It resides there quite peacefully, passing its time assisting me with my writing, doing its best to make sure that sentences are constructed logically and with correct syntax, etc.

Except that this is never quite enough for the grammarckle. The grammarckle is a highly opportunistic and ambitious creature, and will eagerly seize upon any opportunity which arises to dominate the mind of its host.

This most often occurs when the mind is unoccupied, bored, or angry. The grammarckle uses these moments to "subjugate the mind to its invariably grammar-related whims" (Masters and Smith, 2006).

This can manifest itself in a few different ways. One of these is in situations where brain activity is sluggish, where the boredom is such that the grammarckle is able to almost completely assert control of mental faculties, so that every small grammatical error or ambiguity it detects is leapt upon with vicious, spiteful, joy.

For example:

Harry was zoning in and out of the P.R. lecture, which was just a mish-mash of acronyms, tree diagrams, and target publics, which were being 'revised' for the umpteenth time. Suddenly he looked up at the slide and noticed that the lecturer had written 'bare' when in fact they meant 'bear'.

Somehow unable to contain himself, Harry nudged the people around him, and pointed out the spelling mistake. The grammarckle within him purred in silky contentment.

The grammarckle has taken control here, and will usually use its host as a means of informing other grammarkcles living inside nearby hosts of its discovery (Masters and Smith, 2006).

It would be very easy to conclude that the grammarckle only ever exerts a negative influence, but this would be to understate the important role a humble grammarckle plays in society - to maintain vigilance against lax expression and spelling.

Acknowledge your grammarckle, and appreciate it.

Yet you must know how to control it, because an unleashed grammarckle can cause havoc with its self-righteous, tactless ways. Most guides advise that grammarckle may be placated with "a bowl of roughly chopped quince and lamb's fry, or a new word to play with," (Williams, 2009).

References:

• Masters, John, and Smith, Geraldine, Mind Over Matter: How the Grammarckle Is Controlling Us All, published by Cambridge University Press, 2006, Cambridge
• Williams, Henry, Taming the Grammarckle Within, published by Random House, 2009, Canberra (pp. 30-56)