Shark Killed in Vicious Attack

The shark community was enraged once more this week by the latest in a string of shark deaths following attacks from humans. The latest victim, a 5 year old white pointer, was shot dead, after being mistakenly identified by humans to have eaten a swimmer earlier this year. He was swimming in his territorial waters early this morning, when a coast patrol boat approached him, fatally shooting him in the head. He died within minutes, and was collected on board, to be measured and disposed of as humans saw fit.

Shark liberty group "Fins Float Free" have condemned the death. Spokeshark Peter "Die-Humans-Fucking-Die" Finweed had this to say:

"This is typical of the arrogance of the human race. Firstly, they invade our territories when they swim in our waters at the beach. Of course we're going to eat them, they're swimming in our backyard. Yet there are those among them that fail to see this, instead asking to have the sharks "responsible" for attacks to be destroyed. In order to make us responsible, they have to give us rights as well. We are wild creatures, untamned by humanity's social laws and customs. That they see it fit to hunt us down for behaving like carnivorous fish would be laughable were it not so serious.

Nothing has given them a supreme 'right of way' which excuses them from being a part of the food chain. If they choose to swim in our waters, they can expect to be included in our environment. And that includes as a part of our diet. They are constantly slaughtering other species and environments all over the world, and have begun to hunt us down solely because we threaten their dominance. This is bullying at its worst, and it is time that we took some action, before there are too few of us to make a difference."

Left wing politishark Claudia Jawtooth called for calm admist the messages being put out by groups such as Fins Float Free, which she labelled "scare-mongering" which was bound to incite retributory "vigilante killings". "It is unfortunate, of course, that this tragic death has occurred. You will never hear me say that what happened was provoked or deserved. But nor will you ever hear me support the kind of hate speech promulgated by Mr Finweed. Humans are, for the most part, misunderstood creatures, who, despite their unwitting arrogance, selfishness, and ignorance, are just as deserving of a second chance as any of us. I believe, therefore, that it is imperative for us to develop a mutual relationship of trust between humans, perhaps following in the example of the dolphins, who, following their 1743 Bill of Outreach to Humanity have prospered, garnering greater public support from the ruling species on earth than perhaps any other creature. Boundaries have been crossed by humankind, but let's not become the savage in this equation."

This political storm of opinions and controversy, however, is little comfort for the family who are now missing their favourite fanged killing machine of the ocean.