Yes, I should know, I read it on an evangelical magazine being handed out at my train station. And it detailed how swearing "disrespects the Creator of language. Imagine if you gave your friend a shirt, or a blouse, and then saw them using it as a doormat or rag. How would you feel? God feels the same way when we swear", etc. Which, to be brutally frank (and condemn myself to an eternity in Hell), shitted me just a bit.
I guess it's because I've slowly divested myself of the Christian belief I was loosely raised on, and took on seriously in later life, because I can no longer see any purpose it serves for me. And I would argue, that there are cases when swearing does add a certain "je ne sais quoi" to certain situations. I thereby present:
GELATI GECKO'S GUIDE TO SWEARING:
Swearing has a reputation as being nothing but foul, filthy and abhorrent misuse of the English language. But this fails to recognise the ways in which it can create humour in various written scenarios and serve as collective nouns.
Note the following story:
Billy woke to a sunshine filled morning. The bird which so frequently woke him with its sweet song that twittered throughout the green grassy glades surrounding his humble cottage was singing away, filling the air with glorious music (which to be honest, rather annoyed Billy).
If there is any humour to be found in this passage, it would lie in the contrast of the idyllic rural and natural environment, and Billy's lack of awe or appreciation. He is in fact "rather annoyed". But if we add some excellent expletives:
Billy woke to a sunshine filled morning. The bird which so frequently woke him with its sweet song that twittered throughout the green grassy glades surrounding his humble cottage was singing away, filling the air with glorious music (which, if Billy were to be quite candid, was a performance of nature that fucked up his morning).
The sparing use of a well placed obscenity heightens this contrast between the pleasantness of Billy's morning in his natural environment, and the actual annoyance (which has now become something much stronger) which he feels towards it. The elaborate sentence before the so called "dirty word" set the reader up to expect something a little bit open and rude, but probably not so much as that which is before them. This unexpected treasure find is most pleasing and humorous to many people.
Other similar uses include juxtaposing swear words against what is otherwise the height of politeness, to the effect of seemingly oxymoronic sentences:
"I think we put the alphabetised files in the cabinets in Office G," replied Genevive politely, with a genial smile.
"I think we put the alphabetised files in the cabinets in Office G, dumb fuck," replied Genevive politely, with a genial smile.
And lo, the swear word has transformed our previously bland response into a fiery and sarcastic quip.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that swear words are not just obscene and filthy. They have long lost the meanings which were initially attached to them. They have instead become taboo words, and have great potential to transform writing, if used sparingly.
The other use with which we are frequently employing words of an offensive nature for collective nouns. For example:
"Betty collected her books and other belongings and made her way out the door."
"Betty collected her books and crap and made her way out the door."
This easily facilitated collective noun saves us a lot of unnecessary speech and time, while intimating a casual, comfortable, genuine and unpretentious tone in our writing. Other collective nouns which may be employed are "shit", e.g
"Tom got his shit together and ran from the room."
Also consider the use of swear words to express a grevious mistake made by one person. For example:
"My perfomance was well below par in that exam," sighed Megan.
"I fucked up that exam," sighed Megan.
These are just some of the versatile uses to which these words can be put.
I would end with a swear word if I wanted to be a bit of a smartarse, but I think I'll just end by patting myself on the back for raising such pertinent and vital discussion point, which hopefully will encourage you to take greater risks, and think more about how the simple choice of words can influence an entire piece of writing.
Here endeth the lesson.
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