The Abbott's Christmas Sermon

Sometimes I wonder why I subscribed to receive newsletters from major political parties in Australia.

I was reminded tonight, when I was the honoured recipient of Tony Abbott's Christmas greeting. In it, he invites us to celebrate in the fact that:

"The past 12 months have seen the removal of a prime minister, a first term government losing its majority, huge anti-Labor swings in South Australia and Tasmania and the defeat of a well regarded Labor government in Victoria. Right around the country, the Labor brand is becoming toxic. All this is testament to the hard work, unity, discipline and belief of the Liberal team."

This is an intriguing framing of events, as it does not celebrate the promotion of innovative policies by the Liberal party, instead choosing to give a successfully run negative P.R. war pride of place on the Yuletide mantelpiece.

Skimming over the more confusing clauses (the removal of Kevin Rudd, which was after all an "ugly assassination", was all the fault of the Liberal party?! The Labor brand is "toxic", but the Victorian Labor government was "well regarded"?!), it is so goddamned depressing to hear a message, allegedly from someone who very nearly could be the head of the Australia government, crowing victoriously about eroding a 'brand'.

I don't want to hear that caustic phrase "toxic brand" one more time because I might just be violently and explosively ill.

I firmly believe that winning a mudslinging contest cannot be regarded as an achievement by any party which genuinely believes in working constructively with other political players to shape Australia.

The email was completed with the touching seasonal sign off "I look forward to working with you all again next year as we strive to rid our great nation of what is probably the worst government in living memory."

I guess that was put in just in case anyone was confused, or daring to hope that Mr Abbott might behave more like a potential Prime Minister with the maturity of an adult and less like an eight-year-old chucking a sandpit tantrum.

But even though he's the most glaringly obvious proponent of irritating, stammering, destructive language, the attitude is something that I feel is everywhere.

Bickering seems to be the norm; rational discussion and fact-based negotiation not so much.

So on my wish list for next year I'm putting this:

- 1 rational, functional, co-operative and efficient government

I'll be waiting, Santa.

"I'm Sorry Sir, This Card Has Been Cancelled"

It's a great part in the film, isn't it?

That bit where the protagonist tries to use their credit card and finds it does not work. This is usually because they are either broke, or the government/other powerful body is trying to bring them down.

I wonder if they have agencies specifically for that line. The "I'm Sorry Sir, This Card Has Been Cancelled" Agency, which has a variety of talented actors who specialise in different deliveries:

Passive aggressive/assertive: "I'm sorry sir, this card has been cancelled."

Sympathetic: "I'm very sorry...but this card has been cancelled."

Deadpan: "Sorry, this card has been cancelled."

But when it happens in real life it's kind of embarrassing for both the shop assistant and you.